May 26, 2015


The week Jane would be coming to our family was a little chaotic. I had everything cleaned and ready, but then Garrett got sick. He threw up a couple times one night, and I was hoping that it was just a one time thing. Two days passed with no other signs of sickness, but then, when G was supposed to be taking a nap, I heard screaming and crying from his room. I ran in and there was throw up all over his blankets and the floor. I immediately grabbed him, put him in the bath, then ran back to his room and began scrubbing and then I lost it. I was sobbing and couldn't believe this was happening. I didn't want to bring our newborn home to this. I was so stressed out, how could I take him to one of our friend's houses while I'm at the hospital and he's sick? What if he gets their kids sick? Can Jeff just watch him and I'll just deliver by myself? Should I have my parent's fly out? All these things were running through my mind and I could not get that nasty throw up smell out of our carpet no matter how hard I tried - milk and mac and cheese do not smell that awesome. I finally calmed down and realized it is what it is and everything is going to be fine and things are going to work out. 

The next day, Thursday, March 19th I started having contractions, I just didn't realize they were contractions. I was showering that night, getting ready for my Friday morning induction, and thinking about how I was going to curl my hair and try to be cute this time around, but then I got out of the shower and I couldn't really stand up and my plans went out the window. I felt like I just wanted to curl up in a ball and go to sleep. And that's exactly what happened, minus the sleep. The contractions got stronger and stronger throughout the night. I had been timing them all night long and finally at 4 a.m. they were about 4 and a half minutes apart. I told Jeff we needed to call our friends to come stay with Garrett while we went to the hospital. I texted my friend, Kim, and asked if she was awake, hoping she'd randomly be awake at that time. She didn't respond. I called. And then I called again and she answered. I was so relieved. I didn't know what I was going to do if she hadn't answered the phone. Her husband was kind enough to come over and spend the rest of the night. 

We loaded up all of our stuff in the car and were on our way. It was a cold and snowy morning, luckily there was no traffic and the roads weren't slick. The contractions kept coming. Jeff dropped me off at the hospital entrance and he went to park the car. I got checked in and all set up with an IV and all that other fun medical stuff. I got my wonderful epidural and waited. I wasn't dilating fast enough, so I ended up getting induced anyway. After 8 hours the nurses decided to break my water, and 45 minutes later Jane's heart rate dropped significantly. Jeff got worried and told me to push the call button. As soon as I did, a whole team of doctors and nurses came rushing in. They strapped oxygen to my face and then rolled me to my side. I was terrified and didn't know what was going on. Then a doctor checked me and said Jane was on her way out. A push and a half later and she was here. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and she was very ashy and wasn't crying. They cut the cord and she still wasn't crying. I looked over at Jeff and he wasn't saying much or smiling or anything, just holding my hand. It seemed like forever, but it was probably only a few minutes and then she finally started crying. I didn't get to hold her right away, like I did with Garrett and sadly, my experience delivering Jane wasn't as magical as it had been with Garrett, but at least she was healthy. After a little while I got to hold my baby girl. She was beautiful, and I couldn't believe my heart had more room in it to love this little baby girl of mine, but it did. 

After a couple hours Jeff went to go pick Garrett up from our friend Shauna's house. Garrett was so confused about what was happening. Jordan said when he woke up, Garrett was just standing in the doorway staring at him, like, who are you? haha. I can't imagine the creepiness of that and the confusion going on in Garrett's head. Then he had to be taken to our friend Shauna's and she said he was sort of off his game and wasn't his usual self. He did perk up though when we called him and talked to him on the phone. Jeff pulled onto our street and when he did Garrett started crying saying, "hospital, hospital." Jeff told him they couldn't go to the hospital and that they had to go home. Once inside the apartment Jeff said Garrett checked every room in our apartment for me. It kind of broke my heart. I wish I could have been in two places at once and I wish he could have come and visited me at the hospital, but he wasn't allowed due to flu season.

It was about 10 pm and I finally got wheeled back to my recovery room. It was just Jane and me and I felt a little sad that I couldn't really share my happiness with anyone, but it was nice at the same time to take in Jane's features and snuggle her. It was nice looking at and holding my little girl, but around 1 am, I was getting a little frustrated, because I wanted to sleep and every time I tried laying Jane down in her bassinet she would wake up. I had been awake for 36 hours with only a few short naps and I was exhausted. I called the nurse to come take her to the nursery and they told me they would prefer that I bond with my baby, but that they would make an exception and take her back there. Two hours later, they brought her back and said she needed to nurse, which is totally reasonable. After nursing I asked if they could take her back, because two hours of sleep had not been enough for me. The nurse told me this time that they wouldn't take her and that I needed to bond with my baby. I was so taken aback I didn't know what to do and I was too tired to put up a fight, but I probably should have. So I held Jane until she'd fall asleep and would try over and over to put her in the bassinet. It wasn't working and around 5 am, I just decided to hold her, which I'm fine with holding her, I was just afraid I'd fall asleep and drop her or roll over on her or that something terrible would happen. I drifted in and out of sleep for the next three hours. At 8 a new nurse came in and I told her I wanted to be discharged. I knew I would get more help at home than I would staying at the hospital one more night. They told me they were sorry about last night and that Jane should have never been refused from the nursery, which was nice, but there was no way I was going to stay one more night and risk not getting any sleep again.

Thanks to our friends, Tori and Taylor, Jeff was able to take Garrett over to their house and then come to the hospital. When he walked in I almost burst into tears. I was so happy to see him and have him around. He makes everything better. 

They were able to let me go home that night and I was thrilled. We got home and Tori brought Garrett over. When Garrett walked in he had the biggest grin on his face. He ran right up to me and gave me a hug, then he saw Jane. He got even more excited. He started giggling and walked right over to her and tried to tickle her. We tried to not let him touch her, but that was a challenge, he just wanted to love her. He showed her his books and his cars, it was the cutest thing I had ever seen. I couldn't have asked for a better reaction. Still to this day he always wants to go get her as soon as she wakes up and always says hi to her. The other day I laid her on the ground and Garrett decided to stand over her with his feet on either side and said he was a tunnel, haha. I think she stayed inside me until the last minute, because she could hear the craziness she was going to be coming into. 

That night, Garrett was in bed and Jeff and I were just sitting on the couch holding Jane and this overwhelming sense of peace came over me. I looked over at Jeff and told him I knew this is where I needed to be. I was so grateful to be in our home, with my little family and with our brand new,
baby girl. 

I call this my beached whale picture. 

Jeff has some nice perks as a doctor - a three course meal. It was glorious. 

May 6, 2015

Final Weeks

March was kind of crazy for us. I wasn't sure when our little girl would make her debut so I tried to treat everyday like it was my "last" day with Garrett and soak up all the mommy and G time we had left. I know I'll have alone time with him again, but things won't ever be like they were. From the moment Garrett woke up to the moment he went to sleep, we have done everything together for the last two years and we'll still be doing everything together, but with a new little peanut. About two days before I was due I broke down thinking about all that would change and that I wasn't going to have the same amount of time for Garrett like I've had, and for a moment I felt a little selfish that we were going to be bringing a new baby into our home, but it wasn't selfish, I knew our family needed to grow and that he desperately needed a friend and a sibling. He's always chasing after other kids and whenever we go somewhere and he sees kids his age he looks at me and says, "friends, friends!!"  I hope Jane and Garrett can be best of friends.
            So in our last month we did pretty much what we had done in all the months previous: we read lots of books, went to the library to get more books, went to the aquarium, the children's museum, rode the metro, attempted to play in the snow, played at the park, went to a bounce place with all these blow up slides (even at 39 weeks pregnant I climbed up ladders and went down slides and it was awesome. I tried jumping in one of those bounce houses, but my bladder didn't think that was appropriate), I didn't want to have my second baby and say, "I wish I had spent more time with Garrett." Thankfully, I have no regrets. He's my little buddy, and I'll forever cherish the time we had and the time we'll have in the future.