August 25, 2011

...any month now

Wanting a little baby is a frustrating thing. 
It hasn't been that long since my miscarriage, 
but every time that "special" time of the month arrives 
a little part of me sighs, and not with relief. 

I know people mean well, but sometimes the phrases people say are...just funny. 
"You don't want kids, you've got so much to do in life"
Well, what I want to do in life is be a mom
So, yes, I do want kids. 

"When are you going to have children?"
I'm working on it. 
There's only so much I can do on my part. 
If only the little swimmers could swim faster! 

I know I have no idea what's in store for me. 
But my heart yearns when I see moms make little capes for their little boys, 
so they can run around and pretend to be super heroes. 
I see moms wanting to pull their hair out, because their 
liitle girl was screaming all night long, and they didn't get any sleep. 
I want to be there. I want to make a cape. I want to be up all night. 
I know you're thinking, you're not going to want that once you get there,
but right now I do want it, and hopefully when I'm there, I'll remember. 

And I know my life could be much worse, way worse.  
But right now, this is what I'm going through and 
I think others can relate. 

I don't want people's sympathy.
I just needed to share. 


  1. It's really hard when your friends are having baby's too! Hang in there--"Having faith in the Lord means having faith in His timing". Neal A. Maxwell

  2. You have a very refreshing perspective. I can totally relate. Two years strong and no luck for me, it gets frustrating having that special time oft he month come and that sigh not of relief gets a little old. Thanks for sharing, glad I am not alone.

  3. Ashton,
    If you really want a child then have one! I know it's hard to listen when other's say, "don't have kids" and what not, but you can't listen to them. Major always reminds me to not care what others think and it's something that is REALLY hard for me do. I'm sure your little darling will come soon and when he or she does I can't wait to meet them! Keep your head up! :)

  4. After what you have gone through i think being a mom will mean that much more to you. Don't get me wrong I love being a mom more than anything & i wouldn't change having ty for anything, but having a miscarriage makes the experience of being pregnant and being a mom that much more important and meaning full. If you ever want to hang out let me know ... i need a shopping trip :)

  5. Considering my extremely long marriage of 3 months so far, I am not looking to pop out any babies any time soon, but in a weird way I can understand what you mean. It's funny because when we were engaged I was set on having 5 years of married life down before considering kids, but now that we're married it feels different. Even though I'm not TRYING for kids, I still get that same little sad sigh when mother nature comes to visit. Like.. if I was pregnant, I wouldn't be sad about it. So that probably doesn't help any, but just hang in there Ash! It will all happen in the right time and when it does you will be the best mom!

  6. Ps. My cousin has child a little younger than two years old and the other day she told me how she came in to find her daughter had taken off her diaper and smeared POO over the whole entire crib! Like EVERY SINGLE BAR. gross. I know I'm not ready for THAT yet! haha

  7. als,
    that happened to me with my nephew! pulled his diaper right off and he was smeared with poop and it was all over the walls and his crib. i'm not even a mom and did that! it was terrible! hahaha. but funny.

  8. I never went through a miscarriage but it took me a LONG time to get pregnant. it's super frustrating. You don't know how good it is though that you want the bad and the good. so many people do it just for a cute baby and can't handle it. I found though as much as we hate waiting (I really hate waiting) we usually get those little ones when the time is right